Deadpool, one R-rated, sexy motherf**ker

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Hey, fucker! The one reading the article above this glorious piece of journalistic literature. I&rsquo;m talking to you! While you read that shitty slog of words, sentences, and paragraphs, you&rsquo;re missing out on the blood, guts, gore, nudity, swearing, and fourth wall breaking that my movie and I are all about.&nbsp;</p>

Do you really want to be a proper citizen reading about pretentious high art? The life of a psychotic mofo is much more fulfilling. Seriously, scout’s honour. 

I would love to stay longer, but Deadpool’s gotta jet. That jackass of a writer is back. Toodles. 

Damn it, Deadpool! There’s no way I will finish this review without you messing it up somehow. So we’re doing it live, baby.

Deadpool is everything one would ask from a movie starring Marvel’s Merc with a Mouth. Fountains of blood and gore? Check. Profanity that would make any trucker proud? Check. Fourth wall breaking jokes and references? Check and check.

While I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s the greatest superhero movie, Deadpool is an excellent movie and one of the finest in the genre. The endless stream of jokes, and the unapologetic action make the movie’s two-hour runtime fly. Funny how being faithful to the source material does wonders to an audience’s enjoyment of a film, eh, 20th Century Fox? Maybe they should’ve thought of that before sewing Deadpool’s mouth shut in X-Men Origins.

From the trailers, Deadpool may seem like your run-of-the-mill origin story, but that gets thrown out the window when the movie begins. Its nonlinear story structure is what makes the movie so engrossing. Instead of waiting 30 minutes to an hour to see Wade Wilson (Ryan Reynolds) don Deadpool’s signature costume, the movie jumps right into the thick of things before flashing back to the character’s origin. 

These flashbacks serve as great breaks from the unadulterated violence of the action scenes. Plus, telling the origin in such a nonlinear fashion keeps the pace moving at a comfortable speed.

Without a good cast to properly deliver on the masterful script, Deadpool would have fallen apart under the pressure.  Fortunately, the cast is wonderful, especially Ryan Reynolds’ Deadpool and Stefan Kapicic’s Colossus. 

Reynolds revels in the titular role of the movie. His performance exudes an immense amount of charisma, humour, and ultimately, charm. You will be smiling whenever Reynolds opens his mouth. Colossus, on the other hand, is the opposite of Deadpool in every way. His goody two-shoes antics serve as the perfect foil to Deadpool’s R-rated theatrics. Their interactions are so amazing that Fox should seriously consider doing a buddy cop spinoff starring them. Plus, Kapicic’s Russian accent is music to the ears. 

The only qualm I have with the movie is the villain, Ajax (Ed Skrein). Skrein does a fine job being an antagonistic d-bag, but he just is so generic. It doesn’t help that he is a cue ball with super strength — like that hasn’t been done to death. 

So how do you end a review about Deadpool? Wait, Deadpool, stop it!

Get out of the way, dickwad! I know exactly what to say. Watching my movie is like having sex on a flying unicorn that shits rainbows while listening to “Careless Whisper” — whamming wonderful. Man, I’m gonna touch myself tonight!

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