Laurier does nothing, incites ire in UWaterloo students everywhere

Waves and waves of students at the University of Waterloo were up in arms last Monday. The UW population was overwhelmingly enraged thanks to the efforts by their neighbours down the street at Wilfrid Laurier University. The crime in question? Doing nothing out of the ordinary.

Recent news reports have shown that Laurier has done nothing of significance, nothing particularly newsworthy, nor have they done anything specific to provoke the UW population.

Students at UW have responded with a fiery passion best described as “mildly inconvenienced,” shooting looks of disgust at anyone wearing purple clothing, and also attempting to throw things at those goddamn hawks that fly around and eat the campus’s squirrels.

 The bustling UW campus, on the outside, looked as if it was its normal, indifferent self, but a quick glance at students puttering about revealed an angry student body collectively gazing apathetically into computer screens, furiously typing out libellous words about Laurier.

Commenters took to OMGUW to spit venom, publishing poorly written rants on a forum that next to no WLU students read. The #uwaterloo hashtag on Twitter was littered with #selfies offering obscene gestures made in the general direction of Laurier.

Some vigilant UW students went as far as liking the “Wilfrid Laurier University (Official)” Facebook page just to be able to defiantly unlike the page shortly afterward. “It’s about sending a message,” stated one belligerent student. “There’s no dislike button, and this realistically doesn’t actually affect them at all, but I inexplicably hate Laurier so it is what it is.”

Misprint attempted to get in touch with WLU President Max Blouw to understand the perspective from Laurier. Blouw himself was not available for comment, but a representative for the president stated that “business was running as usual, and the campus is currently no worse for wear” and “Wait, hang on, were we supposed to pay attention to UWaterloo?” before hanging up to return to a riveting game of Candy Crush Saga.

At this rate, it is unclear when the UW population will let up on the Laurier hate. There are two things for certain, however: the UW population is immeasurably petty and vindictive, and nothing really ever happens over at Wilfrid Laurier University.