Let’s talk about unplugging ourselves

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by Alice Zhao

I honestly don’t know why they allowed me to write about this.

I am no poster child for limiting the amount of time I spend on my phone.

At this point, my phone has morphed into an essential organ.

If you take it away, I might just die.

Well not literally, but what am I supposed to do if I can’t go online?

Am I really expected to have actual in person conversations?

I can’t morph my face to look like varying emojis to explain my emotions.

I simply can’t live without my technology.

How am I going to wake up for class if some angry driver doesn’t blare their car horn my way because I am not paying attention to where I’m walking?

Life is all about excitement and if you don’t send me a gif to clearly articulate the severity of what you’re talking about how am I supposed to take you seriously?

Now I know some of you are sitting there questioning my ability to actually interact with people irl.

Sorry, I mean in real life.

Well, I’ll have you know that my internet friends think I’m hilarious, and that’s all the validation I need.

I mean who needs to actually be a part of the real world when I can be whoever I want on the internet.

My Animoji’s look nothing like me. It has purple skin, and I believe that that is an accurate representation of who I am.

Taking time away from my phone will not be conducive to my self-esteem, nor would it help me build relationships.

How are people supposed to know that I am having a great time at a party if I don’t Snap every aspect of it.

People need me to do this. Actually, if you think about it, I am providing entertainment to all the people who do not care about what I post.

I think that in itself is deserving of some honour.

Call me a saint or give me a knighthood for all my good work.

People are constantly telling us that the internet is bad and all that jazz, but I have had so many helpful people offer to help me with my banking online.

All they needed was my banking information and they took care of everything. If you ask me, the internet is full of nice people. Everyone wants to be your friend.

No one has ever approached me from the street and asked to be my friend.

Now why would I want to give all this up by actually developing a personality that I can use in the real world?

In fact, I want to ask everyone to take time out of their day to plug in, go online and create fleeting relationships.

Isn’t that what life is about, the shallow and meaningless?

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