My candy soul is crushed

0
7:00 p.m.


Well, I guess it&#39;s come to this. I&#39;ve managed to avoid it so far, but I guess this week I&#39;m going to talk about <em>Candy Crush Saga</em>. <em>Candy Crush</em> is basically just a<em> Bejeweled</em> clone that, for some reason, has become immensely popular, and has usurped <em>Farmville</em> as that Facebook game which is making all of your &ldquo;friends&rdquo; send you requests (side-note: Anybody who pressures you into doing<em> Candy Crush </em>is not your real friend). Anyways, this week I&#39;m just going to play this enough to get a general impression and have more reasons to complain about <em>Candy Crush</em>.


7:05 p.m.


Holy crap, this game is irritating. I don&#39;t really see why it&#39;s popular, since it doesn&#39;t do anything that other video games haven&#39;t&nbsp; before. Also, it asks me to share stuff more than my preschool teacher, which is NOT going to happen. It&#39;s bad enough that I&#39;m playing this game even if it&rsquo;s just to bash it, I don&#39;t need anybody else knowing.


7:10 p.m.


Wow, striped candy. That&#39;s original. I&#39;m sure my 6-year-old sister would love this.


7:30 p.m.


OK, I guess this game isn&#39;t really terrible. I actually kind of enjoyed that last level, but let&#39;s not give <em>Candy Crush</em> too much credit. I just like <em>Bejeweled. </em>Sure, the game looks cute, and the music is kind of catchy, but it&#39;s not really <em>addicting... </em>


7:45 p.m.


Oh my god, candy explosion! THAT WAS INCREDIBLE! Why have I not been blowing up candy my entire life!?


There&#39;s something perversely pleasing about wastefully removing all this candy from the screen. I am become death, destroyer of candy, and I think I&#39;m getting pretty good at it.


7:50


THE MUSIC IS IN MY BRAIN. ALL GLORY TO THE <em>Candy Crush</em>.


8:00 p.m.


Ha! I beat Dave&#39;s score by 10 points! He&#39;s gonna be pisssssssed! Well, I guess it&#39;s probably cool to share this on his wall... just this once though.


8:30 p.m.


This game is so much better than <em>Bejeweled. </em>It&#39;s just so versatile! I mean, it&#39;s not really just about candy, is it? There are fish, fruit, and all sorts of stuff in the game too! I don&#39;t really get why there would be fish in a candy line, and I guess it&#39;s kind of gross, but dayum!


9:15 p.m.


Just completed a level with one move left. Euphoria flows through me. This game is simulated ambrosia.


10:00 p.m.


I&#39;ve successfully completed level 25, but unfortunately I just realized that there&#39;s a three-star rating system in place on every level. Alas, there&#39;s nothing for it &mdash; I&#39;ll have to go back and master every level. How long could it really take?


2:00 a.m.


OK, finally ready to move on!


2:30 a.m.


It actually happened. I lost. I lost at <em>Candy Crush</em>. I&#39;ve been playing for so long...


&nbsp;It&#39;ll be OK though. I just had a bad hand. Just one more try ought to do it...


3:00 a.m.


FIRST PLACE! I GOT FIRST PLACE ON LEVEL 40! SUCK IT! ALL MY FACEBOOK FRIENDS MUST KNOW ABOUT THIS!


7:00 a.m.


I have class in an hour and a half. I guess I could go. But what&#39;s the point? What could they teach me that <em>Candy Crush </em>couldn&#39;t?


8:00 a.m.


Installed <em>Candy Crush</em> on my phone so that I don&#39;t ever have to stop playing. The hole in my heart is finally filled, and now I&#39;ll never be alone again. <em>Candy Crush</em> is love. <em>Candy Crush</em> is life.


8:05 a.m.


Wait, it wants me to pay for more levels? Screw this, <em>Candy Crush</em> sucks.&nbsp;
SHARE