7:00 p.m. Well, I guess it's come to this. I've managed to avoid it so far, but I guess this week I'm going to talk about <em>Candy Crush Saga</em>. <em>Candy Crush</em> is basically just a<em> Bejeweled</em> clone that, for some reason, has become immensely popular, and has usurped <em>Farmville</em> as that Facebook game which is making all of your “friends” send you requests (side-note: Anybody who pressures you into doing<em> Candy Crush </em>is not your real friend). Anyways, this week I'm just going to play this enough to get a general impression and have more reasons to complain about <em>Candy Crush</em>. 7:05 p.m. Holy crap, this game is irritating. I don't really see why it's popular, since it doesn't do anything that other video games haven't before. Also, it asks me to share stuff more than my preschool teacher, which is NOT going to happen. It's bad enough that I'm playing this game even if it’s just to bash it, I don't need anybody else knowing. 7:10 p.m. Wow, striped candy. That's original. I'm sure my 6-year-old sister would love this. 7:30 p.m. OK, I guess this game isn't really terrible. I actually kind of enjoyed that last level, but let's not give <em>Candy Crush</em> too much credit. I just like <em>Bejeweled. </em>Sure, the game looks cute, and the music is kind of catchy, but it's not really <em>addicting... </em> 7:45 p.m. Oh my god, candy explosion! THAT WAS INCREDIBLE! Why have I not been blowing up candy my entire life!? There's something perversely pleasing about wastefully removing all this candy from the screen. I am become death, destroyer of candy, and I think I'm getting pretty good at it. 7:50 THE MUSIC IS IN MY BRAIN. ALL GLORY TO THE <em>Candy Crush</em>. 8:00 p.m. Ha! I beat Dave's score by 10 points! He's gonna be pisssssssed! Well, I guess it's probably cool to share this on his wall... just this once though. 8:30 p.m. This game is so much better than <em>Bejeweled. </em>It's just so versatile! I mean, it's not really just about candy, is it? There are fish, fruit, and all sorts of stuff in the game too! I don't really get why there would be fish in a candy line, and I guess it's kind of gross, but dayum! 9:15 p.m. Just completed a level with one move left. Euphoria flows through me. This game is simulated ambrosia. 10:00 p.m. I've successfully completed level 25, but unfortunately I just realized that there's a three-star rating system in place on every level. Alas, there's nothing for it — I'll have to go back and master every level. How long could it really take? 2:00 a.m. OK, finally ready to move on! 2:30 a.m. It actually happened. I lost. I lost at <em>Candy Crush</em>. I've been playing for so long... It'll be OK though. I just had a bad hand. Just one more try ought to do it... 3:00 a.m. FIRST PLACE! I GOT FIRST PLACE ON LEVEL 40! SUCK IT! ALL MY FACEBOOK FRIENDS MUST KNOW ABOUT THIS! 7:00 a.m. I have class in an hour and a half. I guess I could go. But what's the point? What could they teach me that <em>Candy Crush </em>couldn't? 8:00 a.m. Installed <em>Candy Crush</em> on my phone so that I don't ever have to stop playing. The hole in my heart is finally filled, and now I'll never be alone again. <em>Candy Crush</em> is love. <em>Candy Crush</em> is life. 8:05 a.m. Wait, it wants me to pay for more levels? Screw this, <em>Candy Crush</em> sucks.