Review: Fifty Shades of Grey

Yes, I saw <em>Fifty Shades of Grey</em> by myself on Valentine&rsquo;s Day. Since I wrote a review of the book for <em>Imprint</em> over two years ago, can&rsquo;t get sex off the brain, and am single (therefore I had nothing better to do), it seemed like the clear choice to review the movie. Or I&rsquo;m the only person sad and lonely enough to do so. Either way, here we go.</p>

In case you haven’t read the book, just know that it was a horribly written novel with dull dialogue and unrealistic sexual encounters. Going into the movie, I thought and hoped, “Surely this can’t be worse than the book, could it?” Luckily, my prayer was heard.  

Following the details of the novel closely, the Fifty Shades of Grey movie is about a clumsy, virgin girl named Anastasia Steele who meets the incredibly good-looking, wealthy Christian Grey, falls in love with him, and succumbs to his dark, sex-ridden lifestyle. That’s it. Just like the novel, the movie has no actual plot, thus making it quite boring. 

Although a decent actor, I don’t think Jamie Dornan was the best choice to play Christian Grey. When reading, I imagined Grey as intimidating and intense — when he looked at Anastasia, you could feel the sexual tension and desire. However, Dornan’s eyes look inquisitive and playful — like a child. There is no denying he’s sexy, but simply the wrong kind: Dornan is a cute sexy, and Grey should be a smoldering sexy. That being said, Dornan’s sexual appeal turned out to not be of terrible importance, due to the disappointing sex scenes that were no fault of his.

The only interesting aspect of the novel was the overwhelming detail of the sexual encounters. That is what it’s known for. Even if they were unrealistic and poorly written, they at least gave the reader something scandalous to look forward to. However, the scenes in the movie were uneventful. There were no orgasms, no screams, and it felt as though each sex scene was cut short. I did not think this was a sexual movie, so what should have been a prominent aspect was a serious disappointment. 

My biggest praise for the movie was how realistic it was — at least in comparison to what I expected. The novel wrote Anastasia climaxing from nothing more than nipple stimulation, and she orgasmed three times upon losing her virginity. The movie never showed her orgasm. This may be going too far in the opposite direction, but it is more realistic. 

All in all, Fifty Shades of Grey is a better movie than book, but that isn’t saying much. 

Warning: If you see the movie, you will be pummeled with blatant Apple product placement. I suppose Apple is into more than just being bitten.