Ways to get past the SLC during construction season

Lea Clarin

Well folks, it seems the university has come to an impasse. We’re dealing with a construction site that is way too difficult to bother avoiding.  To help you out, we at Imprint have created a go-to guide for getting around having to get around the SLC-MC construction site.

Through it

Unfortunately, due to petty things like “danger” and “student safety,” the student council has made getting to your early-morning classes even more difficult than they were before. Luckily, with these life-hacks no one will be able to stop you from walking in an active construction area.

  • Wear a hard hat and steel toed shoes — With this new-fangled technology you can rest assured that you’re just a couple years of experience away from all the other construction workers. And if anyone says otherwise, you can give them a roundhouse kick.
  • Run past while using a binder to swat any incoming rubble — Sure you won’t be as fancy, but if you’re going to PAC for a game of dodgeball, you’ll likely get hit in the face anyways. What’s the difference?

Over it

If being in the thick of it isn’t your thing, don’t sweat it.  We can’t all keep cool while fighting for our lives in combat scenarios reminiscent of Saving Private Ryan.  Here are some ways to get over the construction.

  • Hang gliding — This non-motorized aircraft could be your method of choice for crossing the construction. Used by celebrities like Aang, the last airbender, and Harold and Kumar in Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle, you too can use this device to defy both gravity and construction safety laws. If you navigate to MC level 3, you can find a nice perch to get yourself started, jump and try your best to not be Icarus.
  • Superman — If you’re dating Lois Lane and you have x-ray vision you might be Superman. Try and confirm this by walking around the earth science buildings.  If you begin to feel weak its probably because they have kryptonite somewhere there and you come from a planet where everyone has died.  You’re also able to join the International Peer Community, so it isn’t all bad.  Also you can fly and jump high.  Use either of those skills to get across to the SLC.

Under it

Sometimes you just need some subterranean subterfuge.  Check out these #lifetips for some great ways to get the most out of your walk to the SLC

  • Mole-people —We all know that Waterloo shelters a group of students for whom sunshine is foreign. I’m not talking about the vampires who haunt ECH, I’m talking about the mole-people who control the school.  Frankly, if the school is willing to accommodate the mole-people to the point of connecting the school through a series of tunnels, the least our mole-brethren could do is let us use their tunnels while the school’s tunnel gets built.
  • What do you mean Mole-people don’t exist!?! — In the entirely theoretical case that mole-people that don’t exist, why don’t you get off your bum and grab a shovel and start digging? If you’re digging under the workers, you won’t need to worry about any rubble hitting you, plus the mole-people will owe you one.