‘How bad was your first day of class?’ calculator *Circle all that apply:


Waking up

  • You wake up thinking about your crushing student debt (1 point)
  • You wake up thinking about how useless your degree is (2 points)
  • Your roommate wakes you up with their terrible taste in music (3 points)
  • You have a dream about going to class only to wake up to find you’re still in bed/running late (4 points)

Getting ready

  • You don’t have time to eat breakfast (1 point)
  • Your roommate ets the lunch you prepared the night before (2 points)
  • You get turned into a block of ice when you shower (3 points)
  • You sleep through your alarm(s) and miss all of your classes (4 points)

Getting to class

  • Everyone laughs at you when you have trouble opening the bus doors (1 point)
  • Your way forward is blocked by a slow-moving tour of prospective high school students (2 points)
  • You have two classes without a break on opposite sides of campus (3 points)
  • You fall off one of the bridges to the colleges and get soaked (4 points)



  • You can’t concentrate because the person next to you in class is drinking vodka out of a Smart Water bottle (1 point)
  • The professor unexpectedly springs a pop quiz on you already (2 points)
  • You go to the wrong room and only realize halfway through the class (3 points)
  • You’re forced into doing a group project with your ex (4 points)

Goose interactions

  • You are stared at intimidatingly by a goose (1 point)
  • You are pooped on by a shameless goose (2 points)
  • You are viciously assaulted by a feral goose (3 points)
  • You are mugged by a goose that steals your brand new laptop (4 points)


  • You get lost in PAS (1 point)
  • A free food event runs out when you’re the next person standing in line (2 points)
  • You are voluntold to be a club executive because no one else is around in the summer (3 points)
  • Your significant other breaks up with you in the middle of the SLC food court (4 points)


If you got:

  • 0-4 points: Congrats on the nice day!
  • 5-14 points: Pretty mediocre day. Hope the rest of your week goes better!
  • 15-24 points: Bad day. Drown your sorrows in some bubble tea!
  • >25 points: Sounds like you had an atrocious day; consider buying yourself a tub of ice cream and having a night with your best friends!


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