NudeDudeUWaterloo adds excitement to students’ otherwise dull sex lives


The mystery and eroticism of Nude Dude have captivated the UW student population in recent weeks after their post went viral on the UWaterloo subreddit

Who was the original Nude Duder, the infamous Redditor NudeDudeUWaterloo? A true trendsetter, they were. One commentator noted, after the initial disappointment of not getting to see a naked person run across the SLC on March 15, the original date of the festivities, that “Nude Dude was the friends we made along the way.” What an eloquent way of framing the Nude Dude phenomenon! 

For two years, UW students, made up largely of people in their late teens and early 20s, have been tucked away inside their homes and social bubbles, rarely making physical contact with other human beings, and certainly not showcasing their sexual organs in front of a live audience. In this historical context, it is not surprising that such an explosion of sexual passion would ensue. The “friends we made along the way” are all the people that came out to support the idea of Nude Dude, the Messiah, the one whose actions of sexual deviance may well inspire thousands of the repressed to express themselves in a similar way. A Nude Dude club may be in order. 

The devastation of the Nude Dude no-show on that fateful day of March 15 will be eternally remembered by the UW community. Nude Dude, who received 1259 upvotes and counting on Reddit after only asking for 200, may not have realized the true costs of their inaction. The people weren’t going to suffer under stifling social conditions any longer. A few brave individuals, in a call to action that will be remembered for generations, made a post on the UWaterloo subreddit, reestablishing the dream of Nude Dude. They told the masses that March 22 was the new, official date that the prophecy would come true, and Nude Dude would be resurrected. 

It was 1:45 p.m. on Tuesday, March 22, and the crowd in SLC was buzzing. The Butter Finger vending machine had been appropriately set up for the occasion. Millions of students awaited the rise of Nude Dude, in an atmosphere resembling the witness of the Greek Goddess Aphrodite. Several security guards and WUSA officials were on the scene, definitely for the purposes of “making sure things are safe or whatever,” as one officer told me. 

At 2 p.m. there was an eerie silence — something was about to happen. At once a group of muscular, handsome, well-to-do men arose and declared themselves to be the true Nude Dude. The crowd erupted as they began to undress. From every corner of the SLC, eyes were fixed on them, particularly on the man wearing a virtually non-existent thong. In front of the salivating crowd, one Nude Duder began to speak:

“No longer will the University of Waterloo be stereotypically branded as a school of sexually frustrated computer geeks!” he said, as his undergarments tightened. Referring to breaking the stigma of walking around campus nude, he said, “it may be hard, but we can do this together,” at which time everyone’s eyes pointed downwards. 

As the collection of brave individuals circled the SLC, there was a feeling of sexual liberation in the air. Was Nude Dude the second coming of Aphrodite? Was he the spirit of those who participated in the sexual revolution a couple of generations prior? Did they just want to get laid? These are questions that may never be answered, but there is one thing that is known for certain: Nude Dude will live on.

After finishing the lap, they were approached by a representative from the university, who, after noticing the increase in revenue at UW Food Services on March 15, came to inquire about the future of Nude Dude. Sources say the university may even want to make this into a full-time position, potentially signing them to a multi-year deal. The university says this would “benefit multiple stakeholders of the UW community,” and would serve as an “effective public-private partnership.” 

When asked about Nude Dude gatherings in the context of COVID-19, the UW safety office said, “as long as they are wearing a mask and social distancing, then it is okay, although we acknowledge the difficulties associated with the latter in this instance.” 

So, in summary, maybe it does not matter who Nude Dude is. Maybe what really matters is what Nude Dude tells us about ourselves. Anyways, I have to go take a nap.