If there was no Mr. Goose, who would take his place at the UW mascot?

What if the normal you had come to know never happened at all? We might be so accustomed to what we know that it’s unimaginable to have anything different. Though, wouldn’t it be interesting to imagine a hypothetical situation where something has changed? This brings me to the question: What if Mr. Goose did not exist? What animal would take its place and become the beloved feature of campus?

Before determining who would replace Mr. Goose if he never existed, we should examine what makes Mr. Goose such a cultural phenomenon for students. 

While there is no objective answer, many factors could point to the popularity of Mr. Goose. To start, geese are waddling all over campus. They are everywhere, from SLC to DC and even the university colleges. They have become an inseparable part of the campus — you can’t have one without having the other. 

However, if it were just their presence alone that made them popular, you would think that even the grass might have a chance at being the unofficial mascot of UW. The geese have more to them than their numbers alone. Geese and chaos often go together hand in hand, considering their chases, hisses and honks towards passerbys, and aggressive nature. This sort of behaviour makes for an interesting encounter and adds to the popularity of the goose. 

We can’t forget, the animal must be able to become a plush. Mr. Goose is unparalleled as a plush — chunky, soft, and capturing his charm — even the beady eyes are on point. It’s hard to resist picking up a plush for an addition to your room. Mr. Goose being translated into a plush actually means more than you think, especially for university students like ourselves. M. Rose Barlow, a former assistant professor at the department of psychology in Boise State University, joined by Cory Anne Hutchinson, Kelsy Newton, Tess Grover, and Lindsey Ward, in writing a research paper about the attachment people hold with stuffed animals. While the study specifically targeted the connection between those who had suffered childhood neglect and stuffed animals, it also explains why students who have not endured childhood neglect love stuffed animals. The paper states, “during the transition out of a family home and into a [university] dormitory, stuffed animals such as teddy bears may provide an important source of unconditional and controllable comfort.” Wouldn’t it be nice to see a recurring animal out and about while also having a plush of it? We can see a positive feedback loop, where the plush provides comfort and the animal reminds you of the comfort from the plush. This cohesive tie shows the benefits of having an animal that can be converted into a plush.

So if not for Mr. Goose, what animal would take his place? It should have a large population around UW, needs to exhibit curious behaviour, and should be made into a cute plush. I believe a crow — specifically the American Crow — would take the place of Mr. Goose.

Using iNaturalist, I looked for an animal that fit the bill starting with the required abundant population. There is a large crow population on campus, you can often hear them out and about in the mornings. They are quite literally everywhere just like the geese. 

Did you know that a group of crows are called a murder? Actually, this is only true for the poets. According to Dr. Kevin J. McGowan from the Cornell Lab of Ornithology, scientists call a group of crows a “flock.” Luckily, the Flock Stop won’t have to change their name to the Murder Stop. 

Like the geese, crows are no ordinary birds. Crows are intelligent creatures capable of remembering the faces of people they associate with danger, as found in a study by professor John Marzluff of the environment and forest services at the University of Washington. Who is considered a danger? This knowledge is something passed around to other crows. During the study, professor Marzluff used masks when interacting with the crows and 16 years later, the crows still recognized the masks. The stakes are higher in a world without Mr. Goose, it seems. Wrong one, and you’ve wronged them all for generations to come.  

That’s not all — the birds will hold funerals for their fallen, alerting other crows in the area to swarm around. The purpose of these funerals is to understand what it is that led to their fellow crows death, so they can avoid it. 

Would a crow make for a cute plush to match the geese? Of course! A quick Google search will tell you that crow plushies make for cute companions that are akin to their real counterparts, beady eyes and all. 

Should Mr. Goose ever need to pass down the torch in his absence, the crows will do their best to fulfill their role.  If there were no Mr. Goose, there would be crows, and those crows would display every trait needed to be the unofficial UW mascot.